


Everything Is a Lot

by Shiqe



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (I hope), Crying, Cuddling, Fluff and Angst, For once in any of my goddamn fics, Head pats, Hurt/Comfort, Karkat has feelings and Dave tries to help but he’s bad at it, M/M, Nightmares, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Trolls purring, davekat banter, its cute though, why isn’t that a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25850824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiqe/pseuds/Shiqe
Summary: “Karkat?” He asks, voice cracking from the attempt to try and sound more gentle. “What happened?”Karkat’s voice is slightly muffled and squished. He says something, but Dave isn’t able to make out any words.“What?”“...I had another nightmare.”
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 5
Kudos: 166





	Everything Is a Lot

**Author's Note:**

> For a friend who has trouble falling asleep.
> 
> Love you! ^u^

Suddenly, he’s semi-aware of the shifting around him. He’s barely aware or conscious, still half asleep, but he softly groans as he lazily readjusts his sleeping position. There’s more rustling right near him.

Dave’s eyes twitch. He blinks them open and squints as he gives them a moment to adjust to the darkness of his bedroom. At first he’s only met with blobs of hazy, dark colors. The blob of his hands right up against his cheek and neck, the blob of the blanket over his shoulders, the blob of the sheets, the blob of the walls, the blob between his sheets and blanket and right in front of him and what the fuck is that—

As Dave squints even further to get a better look, the blob opens its blobby eyes and he’s met with piercing yellow blobs.

He yelps and jumps back, almost falling off his bed. 

“Jesus Christ, man!” Dave gasps, twisting around to grab his shades and turn on the lamp. He puts them on and turns back to Karkat, who stares back up at him with the same permanent pout he always sports. “You scared the living shit out of me. It’s gone, I’m shitless. I can’t physically shit anymore from how hard you fucking spooked me.”

Karkat scoffs and sits up with him. “Stop being overdramatic, you prick. I’m not  _ that _ repulsive to look at.”

“Dude, what the fuck are you doing here?” He rubs his eyes underneath his aviators and yawns.

“What, in your bed?”

Dave looks right at him and flexes his hands out. “Yes, in my fucking bed!”

“What if I just felt like being here? Huh, Strider? What if I just wanted to come and snuggle on up with my best fucking friend?”

“That’s creepy!”

Karkat groans and rolls his eyes. “Aren’t you gonna tell me to get out now?”

Steadying his heartbeat, Dave takes a quick breath and relaxes. He looks around his barely lit room, keeping his eyes fixed on anything besides the idiot trying to sleep with him.

Karkat’s loud and unpleasant to be around sometimes, to say the very least, but Dave knows full well he wouldn’t just come into his bedroom and try to sleep next to him just out of spite. He cracks his neck.

“No, man, just— why the hell are you here?” 

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“You couldn’t sleep.”

“Yup. I couldn’t sleep.”

“And that’s why you decided to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night hoping I’ll let you cuddle up beside me.”

“That’s very presumptuous of you, Dave. You should really get your ego checked out considering how easy it is for you to jump to conclusions.” Karkat turns his back to Dave, flops back onto the pillow and pulls the blanket back over him.

“Am I wrong, though?”

Dave was only met with the lump of Karkat’s body curling slightly in on itself. Seeing Karkat quiet like this is preferable to his usual state, but almost out of character. Something really is wrong. There’s a million things it could be, but he has a sneaking suspicion he knows what it is.

After another moment of quiet, Dave reluctantly takes off his shades, turns off the lamp and lays back down onto his own pillow, facing Karkat’s back.

“Karkat?” He asks, voice cracking from the attempt to try and sound more gentle. “What happened?”

Karkat’s voice is slightly muffled and squished. He says something, but Dave isn’t able to make out any words.

“What?”

“...I had another nightmare.”

Dave releases the fists he didn’t realize he was holding. He exhales a long, quiet sigh.

He’s no stranger to nightmares. He’s only 15, but he’s had them on a regular basis for as long as he could remember. His mind subconsciously goes back to all the sleep he lost as a kid; all the nights he spent jumping awake in cold sweats, heaving, writhing, hugging his pillow to death. He still vividly remembers the nights he spent locked in the fridge or out on the roof. They’ve calmed down ever since Bro died, but that incident just gave him a whole other topic for the nightmares he still has.

But as far as he knows, Karkat’s are worse.

Unlike Dave, he  _ watched _ his loved ones die. He was in the same room when Eridan killed Feferi and tried to kill Kanaya and Sollux; His own moirail killed Nepeta and Equius; And his best friend in the whole world killed Vriska. And before that, a life of hiding and being scared of his own shadow; one mistake and he was dead on the spot.

The thing Dave hated the most was that he had no idea how to help him. He's got trauma of his own, but it took him 15 years to realize. If he can’t deal with his own baggage, how can he help Karkat deal with his?

“Look,” he hesitantly starts. “You know how I feel about this. If your episodes are starting to come back and fuck you up, I’m willing to help you dude, really, but I don’t think I’m the best person to go to for this all the time. We literally have a therapist on this meteor. She’s a cryptid, I’m sure she’s wide awake right now if you want to go talk to her—“

“Dave, you’re not helping.”

“Sorry.” Dave closes his mouth and his jaw tenses. "What... can I do?"

"You can fucking listen to me."

"Okay. Lay it on me."

Karkat barely moves. Just keeps laying facing away from Dave, curled up in a ball. In the next moment, his shoulders tense up. “...We’re nearing the one sweep anniversary of Nepeta’s, Tavros’s, Vriska’s, Feferi’s, Equius’s, and Eridan’s death. So yeah, those same nightmares are coming back.” 

He takes a deep, shaky breath. “It’s like a disease, Dave. I can’t get it out of my mind. It was the same way half a sweep ago too. I didn’t sleep for weeks cause every time I closed my eyes I would think of too many things.”

His voice hitches at the last syllable. Dave’s hand twitches. “You know I know how you feel about it, but you’re the only person I can talk to about this. You’re the only person who gets it. You know what it’s like to feel lonely and deluded and responsible for everyone and everything.”

He sniffles. His shoulders are jerking. There’s a moment of quiet, just the faint sobbing from Karkat. Dave stares holes into his back. “...I don’t want to live like this anymore, Dave. I mean, it’s better now, now that I don’t have to hide my blood color from anyone, but holy fuck... six of my friends are dead, Aradia and Sollux are gone, and the last three trolls on this meteor, my best friends, are all murderers...”

Dave takes a deep breath. “K-Karkat.”

“Oh god, and Gamzee... I—I’m scared of him, Dave. He’s my moirail, but I’m so fucking terrified of him. Did you know I only became his moirail in the first place just so he wouldn’t go batshit insane and start killing everyone?! He ran out of slime a sweep ago and killed Equius and Nepeta, and the fucked up things he does to the bodies... He’s a fucking necrophiliac, Dave.”

“Karkat.”

“And now he’s god knows where on this meteor, doing god knows what to everyone’s dead bodies. I go to see him every now and then to at least try to fucking help him, but that’s only when he wants to be found. And he could very well come back to murder the rest of us at any second. He could start with me. He could start with Terezi, since they’re now a thing. He could start with Kanaya, since she’s still hunting for him. He could start with Rose, cause she’s special to Kanaya. He could even fucking start with you since  _ you’re _ special to  _ me _ and he fucking  _ knows it _ .”

“Karkat.”

“Why did I think my life back then was hard? Why does life keep getting harder? I... I’m so tired of it...”

Slowly and tentatively, Dave reaches it out towards Karkat. It starts trembling, but it lands a soft, awkward pat on Karkat’s head.

It’s his turn to jump this time. He flinches away and turns to Dave, a startled look on his gray face. His yellow eyes are wide and wet and red-tinted streaks run down his cheeks.

“What the fuck was that?” He asks.

Dave retracts his hand and puts it back under the covers. “...A head pat.”

“A what now?”

“A… a h-head pat, y’know? It’s sort of a comforting gesture on Earth, I think. I’ve never done it before though.” He looks at his hand and flexes it a little. "It felt a little weird. Did  _ you _ like it?"

"T-That 'comforting' gesture was the most repulsive, most disingenuous act anyone has ever committed upon me. You should be ashamed to even lay your weird pale hand on me. What if I catch one of your human diseases?”

Underneath the covers, Dave wipes his hand off. “Fuck. You’re right. That was fucked up. Shit. I don’t know what that was.”

Karkat's anger drops from his face and he waves his hands out apologetically. "Wait. N-No, Dave. That's... That's not what I meant." He looks at Dave, then towards the wall, then towards the ceiling. "Sorry... I shouldn't be like this right now. I'm spilling my guts to you and you're trying to help. The least I can do is lay the fuck off."

Dave decides to take the moment to appreciate that Karkat really just recognized something he did wrong and actually apologized. He really must be troubled.

"Uh," Dave stutters. "it's fine man." The one thing that could stand to improve was his own stale disposition in this conversation, Dave thinks to himself. "What do you want me to do?"

"Actually..." Karkat keeps avoiding looking in Dave's general direction. That including the fact that either Dave has overheard too much anime whenever Bro watched it, or Karkat's cheeks were flushed in an almost comical way. "D-Do you... think you could do it a-again?"

Dave blinks. "Do what again?"

"Th-Th-The thing! The head... thing!"

"The head pat?"

"Y-Yeah."

"I thought you didn't like it?"

Karkat huffs and points his head downwards. "I  _ don’t _ like it!" He scoffs. "I just... want you to do it again, okay?"

"Uh... okay." Dave swallows.

He hesitantly reaches his hand out once more and places it on Karkat's head, right between his horns. The latter doesn't flinch in any way. If anything, he seems welcoming of it.

Dave moves his hand a little, nervously petting his hair. Karkat fucking nuzzles into it and nudges against his palm. His eyes are closed and his mouth is tight. The tear streaks on his face are dried up.

"L-Like that?" Dave quietly asks.

Karkat nods and his voice cracks. "Yeah... like that." As he speaks, a soft chittering sound starts coming from him. It fluctuates in volume and gets louder whenever Karkat nuzzles into Dave's hand. It's a calming sound, but Dave doesn't know what the fuck it is.

"Dude," he whispers. "What is that?"

The chittering stops and Karkat looks at him, confused. "What is what?"

"That fucking noise."

"That's me, Strider. It's fucking called  _ purring _ ."

"Like a goddamn cat?"

"What the fuck is a cat?"

Dave sighs. "Whatever. Never mind." He goes and starts petting Karkat's head again, letting his mind calm down with the gentle purring coming from the troll.

"I didn't know trolls purr," Dave asks with a quiet yawn. "What else can you do?"

"What do you want me to say? I have opposable fucking thumbs? I'm not an animal, Strider."

"Yeah, you're right. That was a stupid fucking question. I'm sorry."

"Jegus Christ, Dave. Why are you so fucking hard on yourself?" Karkat's jaw unhinges into a giant, long yawn. He starts talking before he’s finished, so his words are loud and tall and he sorta sounds like a whale. "I'm sick of hearing your stupid self-ridicule.”

“...Sorry.”

“Stop fucking apologizing too.”

Dave opens his mouth again but quickly closes it. He just gives a sheepish nod. 

“You’re really a pain to put up with, you know that?” Karkat pouts.

After a moment of pouting himself, Dave looks at Karkat’s face. His thick eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is even turnt up into a physical pout. Dave just cracks up. “Easy for you to say, bro.”

“What was that?!”

“It’s not easy having to deal with an emotionally constipated rat who does nothing but scream all day. The amount of fucking attention you demand everyday is starting to get sad. Like, were you even loved as a child or grub or whatever? We both know I wasn’t— hell, my whole  _ shtick _ is that I was never loved— and I don’t crave a peanut gallery to vent at constantly—“

“That’s cause you don’t ask permission, Strider. You just go up to people and start talking their soundholes off.”

“Ok, but isn’t that what you’re doing right now?”

“Huh?”

With a deep breath and a quiet grunt, Dave rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling, one hand on his chest on the other still on Karkat’s head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not appalled by it or anything, but you just crawl into my bed whenever you get moody. Like I said, it’s fine, but, I guess… it makes me feel a little… weird? All I can do is make light of things, cause that’s all  _ he _ ever did. I never have the right thing to say to help you or comfort you or shit, and it fucking frusterates me.” He hides his face in his hand. “Shit. Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m talking about myself again. I’m—”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Dave!” Karkat snaps and throws Dave’s hand off of him. He sits up and twists around so he’s right above Dave facing down at him, his arms holding himself up on either side of the boy. Below him, Dave is visibly frightened at Karkat’s sudden intensity and (ironically) domineering position. “I told you to stop fucking apologizing! You’ve done nothing wrong, dipshit! You’re here and you’re listening to me and that’s all I want. You’re fine just the way you are. You’re fucking  _ perfect _ even! Talking to you and bickering with you is actually distracting, it makes me forget all the shit that makes my life suck. You’re a goddamn delight and I—” Karkat suddenly stops yelling and keens forward with a quiet choking sound. His eyes squeeze shut, but Dave flinches when he feels something wet fall on his cheek.

“I-I  _ care _ about you,” Karkat chokes out, “You’re my  _ best fucking friend _ . I know you don’t love to do this, but I hate to think about where I’d be if I didn’t have you to talk to…” Karkat breaks down into more quiet sobs, more red tears falling onto a tense Dave’s cheeks.

When Karkat opens his eyes again, his gaze falls on Dave’s face. There’s hardly any light in the room, but the details on his face are softly outlined, and without the sunglasses obscuring it, his wide eyes make him appear almost naked. For the first time ever, Karkat doesn’t see such apparent stoicism in his expression; it’s still aloof, but there’s gentleness. The room’s little light is reflected in the tears decorating his cheeks like the faded freckles Karkat never noticed were there. The red hue of the liquid almost shines, which draws Karkat’s attention to Dave’s own eyes. It’s such a familiar color, deep-rooted in Karkat’s own identity.

Red.

Dave’s eyes are red. And they shimmer just as bright as Karkat’s tears.

It’s not out of sadness, so Karkat has no idea why, but another lump forms in his throat. Before he knows it, more tears leak out of his eyes and he sinks down into Dave’s body, burying his face in his chest and wraps his arms around him. There, he just sobs some more, not caring how loud he is.

If Dave’s confused, he doesn’t show it. He wraps his own arm around Karkat’s back and gently places his hand back on his head, petting small circles. 

It stays like that for who knows how long. Karkat doesn’t know when he falls asleep.


End file.
